Payne in my Heart

Tuesday marked the 3 year anniversary of death of someone that I was very close to.

Charlie Payne and I went to high school together.  We went on one date our senior year, to an ice hockey game.  I think I had a little crush on him then but we never hung out again.  Fast forward to the summer of 2009 and we reconnected on Facebook.  We started dating at the end of the summer.  I actually stood him up the first time we were supposed to go out, ok well not really but I cancelled.  I asked to reschedule.  I later found out he had had all his shirts dry cleaned and his car detailed to get ready for the big night. haha...  makes me laugh just thinking about it.  Our real first date happened while we were both driving home from work on a Thursday night.  We were on the phone and ironically around the same place (we lived in opposite directions at the time) so we met at a bar for baseball and beers.  I was working at the hardware store then and in jeans and a crummy work t-shirt.  But it was one of the best first dates I have ever had.  We were together for just under a year when he passed away in June of 2010.  I will never forget that day as long as I live.  I was in Boston for work, my parents were away on a cruise and I got a phone call before 8:30 am.  I was with complete strangers and they couldn't have treated me any better.  I will always be thankful for that.

It was the hardest thing I have had to go through so far in life.  I have lost grandparents and great aunts and uncles, but losing someone I talked to multiple times a day and was such a big part of my daily life was hard.  I was a mess for a while.  My family and friends were so supportive and there for me.  I don't think I was alone for at least a week after.  Someone was always with me.  The Twin flew home from Indy, I didn't ask but she knew I needed her even before I did.  I remember thinking at the time it would never get better.  I don't think I will ever believe "everything happens for a reason" because there is no reason that can explain losing Charlie or him being taken so soon, but I do believe you can learn something from every situation.  I learned a lot over the last 3 years.  I learned I am stronger then I thought, that I will love again and that I am very loved.  I learned that with time things get easier.  The hurt doesn't go away entirely, you just learn to deal with it, you adjust.

I will always carry a Payne in my heart...